For Love or Money – Why Not Both?
Talk about your taboo subjects! Money is definitely a HOT button issue for most people (scorching hot!). And that’s why I put my courage on, and decided to write about it anyway.
When it comes to money, it’s like there’s family — then there’s money. There’s friends — then there’s money, there’s spirituality — then there’s money, there’s love — and then there’s money. We hold money away in this entirely separate place from the rest of life. We separate it, and compartmentalize it, and put it into it’s very own box, safely stowed away from all other subjects in life. And it’s not just a box, it’s a TOUCHY, touchy box!
Yes… people are very ambivalent and conflicted about the subject of money. They either exalt it, or complain about it. They either long for it, or they push it away. They tell some people they have more of it, and other people they have less – because they don’t want to be judged for not having enough, OR for having too much. Because either way, you’re going to be judged by someone.
When I look around, I see the whole world walking on egg-shells around the subject of money, and it looks pretty painful to me. Painful, and stressful. How do I know? Cause I’m a person too!
It makes absolute sense it’s a hot button issue, it’s not just tied up in all of our ideas about being a “success” in life, it’s also all tied up in our ideas about basic survival.
Now, I could write a Master’s Thesis on the plethora of ways that these IDEAS and BELIEFS around money came into play for us, and how they affect us all, and what they do to us, and what they do to our relationship to other humans, and what they do to our society and world as a whole. But that is not why I wrote this article. We don’t need more endless speculation on the CAUSE of our dysfunctional relationship with money, we just need the starting threads of a solution.
It doesn’t have to be perfect, or “right”, of final - just a start…
that’s all we need.
So I’ll be bold, and stick my neck out, and tell you what I see – not to claim I have all the answers, as I most certainly don’t. And not to suggest that there aren’t endless other ways of perceiving this, because there most certainly are. But just to share my own experience, and my own current perspective on the subject, in case it’s of any help to anyone else out there, besides me.
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
There are innumerable ways that people perceive, think, and feel about money.
But there seems to be only two dominant perspectives that run through
every mind, culture, and country, and those are:
- There’s not enough. (there’s never enough)
- Money is separate from me. (money is separate from love)
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
Now I can hear the argument bubbling up in your mind already – “But wait a minute! money can’t buy love! Money and love are completely different things!” and to that I reply – Of COURSE it can’t!! And of course they are! I am absolutely not suggesting that money is ANY kind of substitute for love or family or “self”, and I am not saying that money can buy these things. I am just pointing out how we have kept it so far away from these things in our belief systems, that it’s no wonder we might have some resentment and ambivalence about the subject. I am merely attempting to explore our RELATIONSHIP to money, so that we might begin to see the dysfunction in that relationship, and so that we might begin to heal that dysfunction and restore ourselves to peace around this subject that is an enormous part of our daily lives!
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
Here are some ways to start that exploration:
- How do you feel when you spend money?
- How do you feel when you receive money?
- Is there the slightest tinge of discomfort in you when you give OR receive? Do you have more trouble giving money, or receiving it?
- When money comes up in a conversation do you feel something inside you contract or tighten right away?
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
If you answered yes to that last question, even though you consider yourself to be a pretty financially healthy person – then you are still carrying conflict about the subject — and some people may say that it’s impossible to reach a place of total ease and freedom regarding money (regardless of what your financial picture looks like) – but I don’t believe that. I can’t believe that. If my relationship to other “dysfunctional” things in this life can be healed – so can this! I’d bet my life on it.
If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that if you step away from traditional perspectives and opinions for even one moment, you will see that money is in fact: TOTALLY AND UTTERLY SUBJECTIVE.
It is entirely relative to the person who is looking. Their background and experience, their current situation, their culture and their family — all of the things that shape our views.
But a viewpoint is nothing more than a lens you are looking through, and so money itself, is completely NEUTRAL. It takes the shape of your beliefs about it. It is neutral, until you lay your personal thoughts and beliefs on top of it, and then it becomes those thoughts and beliefs in your experience.
I have come to see that money itself is like a clear pond – it will show you your reflection. It will show you what you believe about it. If you believe in lack, it will show you lack. If you believe in abundance, it will show you abundance, and I am NOT talking about the law of attraction here! I am talking about your own inner-EXPERIENCE of money in your life – whether you have $5, or $5 million. Because to one man $5 is a fortune, and to another man $5 million is not enough.
It’s all in your head.
Yes, you might lose your home if you only have $5, Yes, you might have to move in with a friend, or even to a shelter – but how you view losing your home, and how you view having to move in with a friend, or into a shelter – is the experience you will have. To one person not having to pay a mortgage or pay off any debts might mean freedom, and to most, it might mean hell. But either way, it’s a perspective, not a fact.
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
What is expensive to one, is cheap to another. You can’t nail it down to a science. It’s only a view.
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
So, if it’s only a view… can’t I shift my perspective? And if I shift my perspective, won’t that shift my reality? Since reality is only what I experience through the “lens” of my beliefs? Yes! Yes you can, and yes it will.
Having been one of those people who has had a stressful mix of beliefs around money, I am endeavoring to debunk those beliefs and to forge a healthy and loving relationship with money. I know that sounds kind of corny, and maybe even repulsive to say out loud for some people, but I know now that money itself is not “bad” or “good”, it is neither a “problem” nor a “solution” in and of itself, it is just another part of this universe – just like us.
It is a stream of consciousness that has taken the shape of little green pieces of paper, and little plastic squares that we all hold out at the check-out line, these days you hardly ever actually SEE real money anymore, it’s more like an invisible energy exchange. A sea of numbers, shifting around on cash registers and computers, transferring from one bank system to another. It’s kind of surreal in a way, moving from you to the store or company, and from the company to the employees, and from the employees back to another store, and round and round, and all over the globe! Where the heck is your actual money anyway – who knows?!
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
When I look at it this way, I see it as merely: A MOMENT OF EXCHANGE.
I begin to see how, like ANY exchange, it can be stressful and negative, or it can be peaceful and kind. With every check you write, or bill you pay, or purchase you make – you are sending a message out into the world. You are either feeding the stressful cycle that already exists, or you are ending it with you.
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
No matter how little, or how much you choose to spend, why not do it with LOVE?
Why not spend from the heart instead of from the head? And I’m not just talking about when you give to a charity, I’m talking about ALL spending. Why not see that when you spend money you are feeding into the very same support system that feeds itself around and RIGHT BACK TO YOU! You get the great privilege of helping to support countless others, while knowing that it’s always coming back to you — at the same time! Why not feel the immense gratitude that comes with that realization?
The money you spent for that item or bill that you thought was highway robbery, is the SAME money that pays for your home, or the chair you sit in now, or the computer you are viewing this article on. It’s the same money that warms your house in the winter, or buys a fuzzy blanket for your bed. It’s the same money that paid your wages, or filled your belly, or paved the roads smooth so you could drive to that beautiful place you love so much. It might have circled the country a few times first, been through a thousand households, or even around the globe, but it turns back up in your life — in myriad ways.
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
So I am endeavoring to see money not as something SEPARATE from myself,
not as some “sad but true fact of life“, but as just another form – a form just like us.
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
A form that’s been wildly misunderstood, and a form that’s made up of the very same stuff that we are. I am endeavoring to love it as I endeavor to love the rest of this life – WITHOUT CONDITIONS. To see it as my friend, and not my enemy – or my obstacle. To allow myself to experience inside, the feeling of giving money from the heart and receiving money to the heart – no matter who or what it’s going out-to, and no matter who or what it’s coming in-from. No matter how little or how much I have, I will see that it’s HERE. That’s it’s always coming and going, and that I have a choice: to see it as another form that Love takes in my life – or not.
Many may think this is a bunch of airy-fairy-hippy-crap, and to them I say: “That’s okay, you are welcome to your perspective. And hey… you could be right!“ Who knows?! after all…
perspective is all we’ve got.
And I wouldn’t want to live in a world
where we could not choose our perspective.
