Sloughing the “Spiritual” Identity and Becoming the Wholeness of Me.
“There is nothing I need hold outside myself.
I am all of this, everything, and in that… I am free.”
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I don’t know about you, but for longer than I’d care to admit, I’ve harbored a “pretty picture” of what it means to be fully realized. Of what it looks like to be a spiritual being.
Even though I “knew better“, and didn’t REALLY believe it, my mind still persisted in conjuring images of what this enlightened persona should look like, for me. I didn’t expect it of other people, but here I was holding myself to this image — even though I knew it was ridiculous.
Like I had to be some long and languid wisp of a woman who subsists on nothing more than raw green smoothies and herbal tea. Floating from her yoga mat to her daily activities with a radiant wordless grace, totally unscathed by human suffering, 100% blissful 100% of the time, with some god-like seriousness and solemnity, you know…
just generally beaming sunshine out of her ass.
Don’t get me wrong, I love tea and green smoothies as much as the next guy! But,
this is not my reality.
This is not THE REALITY, of me.
AS IF that love and grace I’m imagining is not the very same sweetness that drinks a cup of coffee instead of a cup of tea. That eats a piece of cheese instead of a piece of Kale. That laughs out loud at clever sarcasm, and spends an indecent percentage of her time in front of the computer. That crumples into tears when she sees another person suffering. That gives her son “the look” when he doesn’t do what she thinks is best. That sinks sweetly into the depths of meditation. That gets caught up in busy-work…
That revels in the deliciousness of ALL the emotions, because she knows each one of them is a fleeting expression designed to bring her closer to the Truth.
AS IF that Grace has a size or shape.
AS IF it were something separate from us,
at any time.
AS IF we could BECOME it…
as if we are not this, already.
As if everything we do that feels less than good, is not part of our evolution.
THIS IS WHAT YOU DO FOR ME.
This is what all of your beautiful imperfectness and stunning individuality does for me.
Your divine expression, in just the way you wield it, is pure joy.
Your courage to be YOU in the world, just the way you are,
shakes me to the core…
and I love you, ALL,