Sloughing the “Spiritual” Identity and Becoming the Wholeness of Me.
“There is nothing I need hold outside myself.
I am all of this, everything, and in that… I am free.”
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I don’t know about you, but for longer than I’d care to admit, I’ve harbored a “pretty picture” of what it means to be fully realized. Of what it looks like to be a spiritual being.
Even though I “knew better“, and didn’t REALLY believe it, my mind still persisted in conjuring images of what this enlightened persona should look like, for me. I didn’t expect it of other people, but here I was holding myself to this image — even though I knew it was ridiculous.
Like I had to be some long and languid wisp of a woman who subsists on nothing more than raw green smoothies and herbal tea. Floating from her yoga mat to her daily activities with a radiant wordless grace, totally unscathed by human suffering, 100% blissful 100% of the time, with some god-like seriousness and solemnity, you know…
just generally beaming sunshine out of her ass.
Don’t get me wrong, I love tea and green smoothies as much as the next guy! But,
this is not my reality.
This is not THE REALITY, of me.
AS IF that love and grace I’m imagining is not the very same sweetness that drinks a cup of coffee instead of a cup of tea. That eats a piece of cheese instead of a piece of Kale. That laughs out loud at clever sarcasm, and spends an indecent percentage of her time in front of the computer. That crumples into tears when she sees another person suffering. That gives her son “the look” when he doesn’t do what she thinks is best. That sinks sweetly into the depths of meditation. That gets caught up in busy-work…
That revels in the deliciousness of ALL the emotions, because she knows each one of them is a fleeting expression designed to bring her closer to the Truth.
AS IF that Grace has a size or shape.
AS IF it were something separate from us,
at any time.
AS IF we could BECOME it…
as if we are not this, already.
As if everything we do that feels less than good, is not part of our evolution.
THIS IS WHAT YOU DO FOR ME.
This is what all of your beautiful imperfectness and stunning individuality does for me.
Your divine expression, in just the way you wield it, is pure joy.
Your courage to be YOU in the world, just the way you are,
shakes me to the core…
and I love you, ALL,
warts especially.
The part about the Green Smoothies and herbal tea cracked me up Sunni!
I also love my green smoothies and am right now enjoying a salad w/ raw cheese on it while I nourish myself through a fibro flair BUT I also love sitting outside in the sunshine drinking beer and cracking ‘inappropriate’ jokes with friends. I love watching ‘bad’ comedies like The Hangover and laughing out loud at the sheer absurdity of it.
It’s all good – especially the laughing part :)
Kate a.k.a. The Secret Goddess recently posted..Wordnesday Wednesday… Looking Back to Begin Anew
thanks Kate! Yes, the laughing part is ALL good! What would life be without it?! I know, I love my salads and green smoothies too, and like you said – I love the rest of it too! Just felt like shedding a little light on this myth today. :) xo
p.s. I love “bad” comedies too. ;)
Sunni recently posted..Sloughing the “Spiritual” Identity and Becoming the Wholeness of Me.
Yes! Yes & Yes!! Being ourselves, unapologetically = freedom, accepting it is TRUE freedom. Love this!
I’ve always been rebellious, in every avenue of my life – to finally embrace that in my spiritual practice(s), to toss out that (self)fabricated mold, what I thought “it” should look like, feel like, has been the best thing I’ve ever done for myself… & for others, because I no longer judge, especially & most importantly myself. :)
PS You being multi-passionate is one of the (many) things that I love about you, oh woman, I can relate! Giving ourselves permission to play, to see what sticks, what floats, what sinks, what lights us up, to figure out what we looooove makes our journey through this life so frakin’ fuuuuun! I never get bored, ever!!!
Loving yoooou!
xoxo
Amanda recently posted..A Prayer of Completion
Thank you Amanda! It’s so funny you say that because I too have always been rebellious in every other avenue of my life, and to finally embrace that HERE is best thing I have ever done for myself as well! But I hadn’t really thought of it in that context, and I love it, so thank you for that little full-circle piece!!
Thank you for the multi-passionate piece too, that is what I LOVE about you too! And so many others too! I can’t even believe I ever saw it any other way now that I’m on the other side of it, but I guess that’s like any belief, you can’t see past it until you do! You’re spot-on about the frakin’ fun!
Loving YOU Amanda, with deepest gratitude for your bottomless well of kindness, compassion and generosity!
warm fuzzies all around! xo
Sunni recently posted..Sloughing the “Spiritual” Identity and Becoming the Wholeness of Me.
i love this post. Being whole is so much valuable than beig good…and so much of “being spiritual” seems to be centered around being good or being better.
There is also this persistent idea that being enlightened or being “really spiritual” somehow makes you unaffectable…transcendening feelings.
But it seems to me that this is just like cutting a part of our whole selves off. And we wonder why we don’t feel whole?
Even more than this while there is value in this approach – it is very masculine, very goal oriented, very linear – it cant be the only thing we practice.
matthew recently posted..The Rashomon Effect #1: How Sticky Can You Get?
So true Matthew! Thanks for sharing this. I have seen for some time now how the ego turns spirituality into just another identity. Just another “better than” or “worse than” game of separation. It never ends does it! Until we see the game. The game it plays tirelessly – with EVERY subject matter. When we see it, and have compassion for it, instead of judgement and outrage – it begins to release it’s hold. Seeing ANYTHING as “not spiritual” is to suggest that spirit or consciousness or whatever you want to call it – is not the ultimate unity and oneness that animates all of life – and that surely doesn’t sound very “spiritual” to me! ;) haha.
So true about the wholeness – and the masculine goal oriented and linear way that this presents itself. It’s a trap, but we’re all ultimately innocent in that, even those who still believe this, because we just can’t see past it until we do. Thanks for visiting!
Sunni recently posted..Sloughing the “Spiritual” Identity and Becoming the Wholeness of Me.
Real talk! I love this. For some time now I’ve been noticing that folks are weary of the “ultra polished” and are hungry for what’s raw and real. We’re ready to no longer feel guilty and inferior for not being an unrealistic ideal of what we think we’re supposed to be.
This is life, absurd and beautiful, messy and amazing.
Daniel recently posted..Owning Your Magnificence
YES! Thank you Daniel! So aptly put my friend! “this is life, absurd and beautiful, messy and amazing” – I LOVE IT! thanks for being here. (on ALL those lovely levels) xo
Sunni recently posted..Sloughing the “Spiritual” Identity and Becoming the Wholeness of Me.
A thousand yeses to this.
I swing from singing kirtan to swearing my face off. Dropping more f-bombs than seems reasonable.
I love business + marketing as much as much as I love painting + playing drums.
I listen to Krishna Das + the Sex Pistols back to back, without whiplash or apology.
My favorite color is black. I drink mojitos. I pray every day. I read the Gita + comic books with equal enthusiasm.
I tuck my Tulsi mala under my CBGB t-shirt + walk past my pile of vegan cookbooks on the way to eat steak.
I am not unplugged from being human. I laugh constantly + cry all the time. Sometimes I can feel someone’s pain to the point I swear my bones will break. I value connection more than coolness. Even when its messy or scary or painful.
Spiritual vs non-spiritual is a bullshit argument. It just points out where we hold ourselves separate from our own bigness.
We are beautifully complex creatures. Bigger (and better) than the boxes we try to stuff ourselves into.
I am most at home with people who own + love + celebrate their complexity. Those are the people who seem the most alive + most loving to me.
I am forever fascinated with facets.
Mine. Yours. Ours. All of it. At once.
Fabeku Fatunmise recently posted..Flower Funerals & Metaphorical Fuchsias
This is THE most beautiful thing I have read … possibly all year!
AS if!
I lived many years in a fundamentalist religion that always had me striving … striving … striving …
I don’t want to do that anymore, with ANY spirituality.
As if!
Love it, thank you for your gift today.
Cynthia recently posted..29 Faces in May – May 4th
Wow, thank you Cynthia!! What an AWEsome comment! Yes, striving striving, I am so familiar! Love to you my friend and thanks for visiting! xo
Sunni recently posted..Guest Post: Fabeku Fatunmise
YES! I fucking love this post.
Cassandra Kinaviaq Rae recently posted..Are you asking, “What should I do?”
Thanks Cassandra!! I fucking love your reply! ;) xo
Sunni recently posted..Guest Post: Fabeku Fatunmise
This post was wonderful! And all of these comments are awesome!!! I love this!!
Sarah recently posted..Check here to Subscribe to notifications for new posts
What a delicious gift to discover you and your online home!
I am adoring this post, it is hard in a world where we make online connections every day to think we are doing it right anymore. They drink matcha, I should drink matcha. They have wooden toys, I have to throw out all my kids plastic. They drink out of blue cups, I have to ditch my green ones.
Showing the depth and truth of who we are is the best gift we can give. xoxo
Hannah Marcotti recently posted..What is Beautiful Through Your Eyes? ~ Dyamond Robinson-Patlyek
Thank you Hannah!! I feel the SAME way about you and your online home! ;)
Yes! haha! I know each and every one of those “should’s” you named -very well! So stressful right? Yes, time to let that go and let our truth – the whole beautiful mess of it – shine! Thanks for visiting me! xo
I just wanted to say that *this* post really talked to me. This post describes me at this moment, trying to “be” one of those gypsy/ hippie/ free spirited/ sure of herself girls. I am trying to portray this image, but not knowing if it is *really* who I am. I knew right away, as I read the first words of this post, that you were feeling how I feel. How have you overcome this desire to portray yourself as “one” type of person?
Beth recently posted..Check here to Subscribe to notifications for new posts
Hi Beth, I am SOOO glad you asked that. Thanks for reading and I’m happy that it resonated with you so much that you felt compelled to not only be honest about your current struggle with it, but to actually ask how one might approach overcoming this! How I have overcome the desire to portray myself as “one” type of person – is to QUESTION the BELIEF (or beliefs plural) I have that I NEED to be one type of person. To question the beliefs I have that “that” kind of person is more valuable a human being than me or any other person on this planet — I invited myself to see how this is a form of the worst kind of prejudice because it goes so largely unnoticed! If I believe I need to be anything other than all that I am now, then I am holding parts of myself in Contempt – and when I hold parts of myself in contempt – I hold OTHER PEOPLE in contempt of those same things – because what I judge myself for, I judge them for. But what I would begin with here is to take this statement here, “gypsy, hippie, free spirited, sure of herself girls are more valuable than me” (or more cool than me, or more lovable than me, etc. etc.) and ask yourself: 1. Is it true? 2. Can you ABSOLUTELY know that it’s true? 3. How do you react when you believe that thought? What emotions come up? How do you treat “those” girls (if only in your mind?)? How do you treat yourself? and 4. Who would you be without this thought? (if the thought just didn’t exist, you could not possibly think that, how would you feel/be?) Once you’ve done that… then turn it around to the opposite and see if that could also be just as true or truer, for example: “gypsy, hippie, free spirited, sure of herself girls are NOT more valuable than me” – when you do this, you will be ASTOUNDED at what you have been believing and what this “belief” (which is nothing more than a THOUGHT we invest our whole selves into) has been costing you. This is “The Work” of Byron Katie, 4 questions and a turn around, and this is what has worked miracles for me in my life. I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone who is open and wants true freedom and peace in their lives! I hope this is of help to you on your journey!
“To question the beliefs I have that “that” kind of person is more valuable a human being than me or any other person on this planet ”
This is brilliantly insightful Sunni.
Heck, the whole comment was – I’m feeling that it would be very helpful if you take your comment and expand on it by turning it into a blog post.
Kate a.k.a. The Secret Goddess recently posted..Wordless Wednesday… Each Moment is But a Ripple
Thanks Kate! This came UP in all kinds of other wonderful ways for me today too, so I am definitely feeling a blog post about it coming on. :) Will have to work on that soon(ish)! xo
Sunni recently posted..You: A Love Letter
and I mean in a GOOD way, instead of a super challenging way, and so I feel extra extra clear about this right now.
Sunni recently posted..You: A Love Letter
Beth, I know exactly how you feel – it’s like you have to have an ‘image’ to reflect how you are. I founda perfect illustraton fo this at the weekend at a music festival. There were a large variety of bands and different types of music – heavy metal music right through to folk and country – and I felt that I should be dressing differently for each kind of music – black t-shirt and jeans for the rock music, flowery flowing dresses for the folk music – and yet Ienjoy all the different types! There was one particular act that I watched – two young women folk singers – one of whom dressed in jeans and a vest top, while the other had long hair and wore a flowery dress and straw hat – and while I watched them I felt that if I could merge them together they would represent me – I could actually see them merged! This illustrated perfectly for me that different styles reflect the different aspects of myself and that I can dress in whatever way suits the aspect of me that is to the fore on that day. So Beth, I suggest that we look inside, decide how we feel and portray that accordingly! Love your honesty – it’s a brave thing to bare your soul to a bunch of strangers! Keep up the good work!
Karen B recently posted..Sunshine on a Sunny Day 2
Sunni I love this! Your description at the start of someone who is ‘enlightened’ really struck home because this is pretty much exactly what I described in a recent blog post of mine! It made me laugh! I love that we should embrace all the facets of ourselves – including the less savoury of them – I have wrestled with the idea that I should not express anger, or disappointment (I’m having an epiphany as I write this, but that’s another story and material for my blog!) because if I do, people won’t like me – and that’s not how you’re supposed to be anyway if you live a spiritual life!
So thank you for showing us that we can be spiritual and flawed at the same time and we don’t have to conform to some kind of enlightened stereotype!
Karen B recently posted..Sunshine on a Sunny Day 2
Thank you Karen!! Yes, anger and disappointment included! I’m glad you “got that” – because as the saying goes “what you resist, persists” so if we shut down any part of ourselves, all that happens is that it grows. Sometimes underground, but it grows. Awareness of these things and allowing is what let’s them unwind on their own – and heal.
Thank YOU for showing us that very same thing, and that who and what we are – exactly as we are – is divine, just as it is! It’s our own arguments about what we “should” or “shouldn’t” be that cause us all the pain.
Thanks for being here Karen!
xo
Good to be here! I only found you recently and I’m really enjoying working my way through your posts – I’m sure there will be more comments – I’m not exactly a shrinking violet!
Karen B recently posted..I Believe 4
Good! I’m glad you’re not a shrinking violet, comment away beautiful YOU! ;)